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Today, I was a little more sore than I expected!

It all took a little longer than I expected, especially framing the closet and thinking through how to do the wall under the A/C duct etc. It also takes longer when you realize that a wall is not plumb and so you tear it down and do it over (fun times).

Framed in the closet and added a "pull chain light"

more framing of the closet

Put in some boxes and scabbed in something for the future bookshelves to nail to in the corner

put a runner by the pipes and stuff to protect them and something for the drywall to stop at

starting to frame the "short wall" under the A/C duct

finished framing (roughly) the short wall

framed the wall beyond the office with a 36" (with drywall) opening towards the future bathroom (this got out of plumb, so I got to do it twice)

So, I’m on Christmas break (woo hoo!).

As usual I didn’t use much vacation this year, so I’m off (except Sundays) for the rest of the year.

So what relaxing and rejuvenating activity can will I be doing? I’m finishing part of my basement…

Actually it will be fun. It’s a good challenge, makes me think, and best of all, I’ll get some “alone time.” I guess the real “best of all” is when I’m done, I’ll have a legitimate office at home! (though I’m not doing the flooring or finish work (like texture or painting) yet, and one wall will be built-in book shelves, that will wait until later… But, it will be a “mostly finished” room 😉

This is the “Pre-Game” getting ready (Friday Dec. 9)… (I’ll add pictures daily):

R.P. Lumber guys with "The Stuff"

"the stuff" in my garage

Step 1: clean out basement

put in boxes for lights

Existing wall with Drywall

Drywall removed

Floorplate

More Floorplate

Closet Floorplate

Floorplate where bookshelves will start

Floorplate to the doorway

Floorplate out the doorway (from in office)

Standing on the stairs (outside office)

From storage side looking into entry/office area

Added studs to make 16" centers with new wall

Ran a phone line and cable TV

Put in boxes and pulled wires down

Framing

More framing and another box

framing the window

framed to the corner and another box

framed the back wall and 2 boxes for TV

framing the corner where bookshelves start (end of the day)

This should be a simple statement, “men and women are different” but ever since the 1960s there has been a cultural agenda to minimize the differences.

When our country moved from an agrarian society to a manufacturing (and service) society, dads began to work outside the home. This removed the primary male influence from boys and took the picture of a man, one who works hard and loves his family, out of the home.

Then the feminist movement, which began as a great thing to provide equal rights, grew into a push to make men and women the same… they are not.

We need different things, we are different, not better or worse, just different.

Let each one of you [husbands] love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

-Eph 5:33

Both men and women have a need for love and respect. However, a woman’s primary felt need is love whereas a man’s primary felt need is respect. This is why we [men] do what we do. We want our fathers to be proud of us, we want our children to look-up to us, and we want our wives to think we are the greatest. When we feel like they don’t, we act out and are unhappy.

The initial reaction that people have to this idea is usually something like “well, you’re just into yourself, get over your ego.”

This reaction is a product of decades of the feminist movement trying to strip masculinity from our society, don’t fall for the trap.

Just about every “marriage study” or “communication workbook” teaches men to become more like women. Become more loving, learn to share your feelings, talk with you wife, etc… This isn’t wrong, but it’s only half right.

Men do need to be more loving, that’s what the Apostle Paul commanded of us in Eph 5:33. But the other side of the coin is that women need to be more respectful.

“But wait” I can hear you saying “what if he doesn’t deserve respect…”

Can’t you hear my response? “what if she doesn’t deserve love?”

Why do we love someone? If you said anything other than “because Jesus loved us” you are incorrect and overly sentimental. And that’s part of the problem. Most of our “marriage counseling” centers around tricking ourselves into feeling better about loving another person. Helping you to see that you should love the other person.

Well, guess what, they might not deserve it. They might treat you terribly, they might grow into hatred of you… are you still supposed to love them? Yes!

The secret to marriage is coming to the realize that you love someone because of Jesus (not because of you or them). But that’s only half the secret, the other half is that you respect someone, not because of you or them, but because of Jesus.

It’s not “unconditional love” that we give, that’s a made-up word that we use, it’s love conditioned on the work of Jesus. In the same way, we give respect, not conditioned on how our spouse acts, or whether or not they “deserve it” (because they don’t), but it’s conditioned on the work of Jesus.

Don’t love someone so that they will love you back, they may or may not. When they don’t then you’ll say “it didn’t work.” If the reason you love is to receive love, then love is your idol. If you love because of Jesus, then Jesus is your Lord.

Don’t respect your husband only when he impresses you, show your spouse respect because of what Jesus has done. Let your man be a man, understand that he needs your approval, he needs you to “look-up” to him, not because of ego, not because he wants to “look-down” on you, but because he’s made that way, it’s what he needs.

By the way, the Bible tells you to.

If you’re a man and you’re having marital problems, ask yourself “am I showing love to my wife? Does she know I love her and always will?”

If you’re a woman and you’re having marital problems, ask yourself “am I showing respect to my husband? Does he know I believe in him and I always will?”

It sounds wrong, it sounds hard to our ears, and it’s because we’ve bought the propaganda. Women need love, men need respect. No matter how it sounds, it’s what the Bible says and I believe it, my marriage is built upon it, and we’re in our 11th year (and counting).

As Jesus was traveling and teaching he had many interesting interchanges with people. One such encounters was with someone who said to him “I will follow you wherever you go” (Luke 6:57), but Jesus’ reply was that he didn’t have a place to lay his head. The call to follow Jesus is not one of comfort or security, it may even mean being nomadic.

In our life, this took the form of being willing to leave “home.” I was born and raised in North Texas. My wife had lived in the Dallas-Fort Worth area since she was in grade school. We met in college at Dallas Baptist University, and our first real ministry position was at a church in the DFW area. It was comfortable, it was “home.”

Then, one day, I got a call from a guy named Fred who wanted us to pull up stakes and move north and serve at a church in the middle of a corn field. Following Jesus means that we are sojourners and exiles in this world (cf. 1Pet 2:11), and we may never truly feel “at home.”

When he calls, be willing to follow him. Hazard the chance, step-out with bold determination and go. Don’t get too comfortable, we don’t have a home… but one day we will… (if you follow him now).

Nothing good can follow the statment “if you love me…” in a normal relationship. I say “nothing” but to be more accurate, “usually” it indicates a lack of love.

If someone has to say “if you love me, you will…” then they are not feeling loved. Or even worse, they might be using these words to manipulate someone they are supposed to love.

In reality, “if you love me” statments should be more about results than about forcing someone to do something. In other words, if my wife loves me (cause), then she will tell me (effect). But if she doesn’t actually love me, it makes no difference if she tells me that she does.

Sometimes we can get this relationship between cause and effect jumbled. Effects can be a good indicator, but they are not the engine, they are the caboose.

It is the same way with God.

If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

-John 14:15

There it is, “if you love me, you will….” So does this mean that we should focus on “dos and don’ts” in a kind of checklist? NO! this is what Christianity becomes at its worst. This statment is about loving God (cause) which leads to keeping Jesus’ commandments (effect).

By the way, love is the commandment (cf. Matt 22).

I know this is true because later John records it like this:

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

-John 15:5

The result of your life “fruit” comes from us remaining in Jesus and him remaining in us.

Does a Believer have to do certain things to be a believer? No!

Will a Believer necessaraly do certain things? Yes!

Our actions, our obedience, doing “good works” are all very important, but they are important as a thermometor, not as a thermostate.

Too often, we try to “do better” or perhaps love God more by “doing more” and when we do, we’ve got it exactly backwards. While it’s true that if we love Him more, we will obey more, but you must put the engine before the caboose. Love is first, remaining in Him is first, the result is obedience, righteousness, godly living etc.

Make sure that “doing good” remains a gague of where you are at, not a means to an end. Don’t just “try harder” to be a better Christian, fall into God and let Him lead you.

Trying harder is exhausting, give up, give in, give over… be free.